Wish I Knew
by mickeylover303
Summary: It didn't help that whenever Nick looked at Greg, he was reminded of her. Slash.


"I could have made it…" Greg trailed off, though the tone of his voice told Nick that other man didn't have much conviction in himself. Especially since the first thing he did was pass out on the way to the hospital. 

"Of course you could have," Nick remarked, humouring the other man as he closed his car door. Only Greg would trip and fall over something like a chair and have to be taken to the hospital for it. 

"I can walk from here, you know," Greg tried to reason as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He blinked, trying to clear his vision as Nick opened the car door, kneeling down in front of him. 

Nick decided not to bring up how groggy Greg sounded as the younger man climbed on his back. He knew Greg wouldn't have made it out of the car by himself. Not if he had to call someone to pick him up. He grunted as he stood up with Greg's additional weight, using the remote on his key to lock the car door. 

Greg had called him earlier this afternoon, mumbling something about twisting his ankle – to the point where he couldn't move without hopping around and even then there was trouble. Nick bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to laugh, when he remembered first seeing Greg hopping around with a makeshift splint on his ankle while answering the door. 

_"Oh, shut up, Nick."_

_"And you twisted your ankle how?"_

Truth be told, Nick wasn't expecting his number to be on Greg's cell in the first place. While he had everyone else's from graveyard on his own, it just seemed strange because it was Greg – and Greg was calling Nick for matters not relating to work. Never mind how Greg knew that Nick wasn't on shift today. 

So, it was more than a surprise when Greg called, asking for help to the hospital. 

He hadn't known Greg long, maybe a year or so…probably even less than that. They didn't go out for drinks, hang around and watch the game – nothing like that. They didn't do much outside of exchanging small conversation when Nick came to Greg's lab either to drop off or collect evidence. 

He'd admit that he and Greg would have their moments, where Nick actually wanted to get to know him better. Because there were times Nick wished he extended the conversation outside of work. And there were times when they'd wait for a printout of something and there would be a kind of tension in the air that Nick wanted desperately to break. Or there would be those times when Greg would say something and Nick wouldn't have the patience to deal with him. 

But it wasn't so much as Nick didn't like Greg as much as it was that Greg reminded Nick of someone he once knew. 

And he really didn't know how to make sense of it – considering that someone was a girl he used to date in college. 

For one, Greg looked nothing like Sharon – not including the fact that Greg was male. Still, they were essentially polar opposites in appearance. Where Sharon was short, Greg was tall. Where Sharon's hair was never treated and often straight, Greg's hair was repeatedly dyed, occasionally spiked and sometimes even curled at the ends. Nick could continue the mental list, but he was already worried about the fact he was comparing a male colleague to someone who was more than just a girlfriend. 

Overall, Sharon was consistent in most of her appearance, dressing more conservatively than – what Nick referred to as – her male counterpart. With a heavy dislike for patterns and a penchant for simplicity that Nick bet Greg probably tried to stay away from. 

Though, her more conservative appearance betrayed the personality that Nick fell in love with. Her laughter, her quirky sense of humour, her carefree attitude…she was someone he always felt comfortable with and someone he could talk to about anything regardless of what it was. 

But it was her smile that Nick first fell for. The smile he swore to make sure would never fail to reach her eyes, giving them a light that attracted Nick like a moth. Just like the ones he and his older brother used to watch. 

It was during those warm summer nights on the porch, his mom and sisters cleaning up the dishes from dinner. He was only nine the last time he and his brother sat watching them – the little insects that kept flying toward the small lantern with the flickering light that hung beside the large, vertical column. It was only a couple of days before his brother left for college and he gave Nick advice he was too young to understand at the time, but would always remember. 

_"You see, Nicky," He pointed at the moths that were flying toward the wavering light. "That's like love. See, you're the moth, this brown little thing that goes on day to day, eating, working, sleeping and waiting to die because that's all you know in the dark._

_"And once in a while, there's this light that comes along. This beautiful light that you know you can't hold because it's bigger than you – bigger than you ever could be. So, you go towards it, attracted to it because it shows you so many things, lights up your world, Nicky."_

His brother had this look of awe on his face, like he was a moth himself. And Nick wouldn't connect his brother's break-up with his girlfriend that followed the conversation until much later. 

Because at that time Nick could remember thinking it was one of those grown-up things that didn't make sense as people couldn't be moths. It was scientific fact. But he continued to listen anyway because out of his entire family, Nick's brother was the one he most admired. 

_"But the sad thing, Nicky – and you remember this, okay – is that light, that love – because it's so bright…it burns. And it's going to burn you one day, all right. But you have to remember that even though they know it burns, the moths keep going to it. And they keep going because that one moment with light is worth more than the rest of their lives in the dark."_

And even after so many years, it wasn't until he met Sharon that Nick truly believed his brother's words. Because Sharon was his light and every clichéd romantic thing poets would write about. She was perfect, bigger than life, and had Nick so wrapped around her finger that Nick didn't mind at all. 

Nick met her when they were both freshman and he was going to propose to her in their senior year. After four years, he thought he knew who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He thought he knew the girl who was his best friend, who would be his wife, the mother of his children, and so much more he could only dream about then. 

But that was until he found she didn't see things the way he did. 

Greg moved his arm from around Nick's neck, a hand covering his mouth as he yawned, his other hand languidly holding a small bag with some of his things. He closed his eyes, blinking away the involuntary tears that leaked at the corners. 

"You all right up there?" Nick asked, noticing Greg was only holding on to him with one arm. He tightened his hold from beneath Greg's legs, not wanting the younger man to fall. 

"Other than dodging the clouds-" 

"Funny." 

"I thought so." 

Nick rolled his eyes as they continued to make their way across the parking lot. But it wasn't enough to distract him as he felt Greg's breath on the back of his neck. It was a strange sensation – something foreign and painfully familiar at the same time. And felt even more so when Nick took in the fact that the sensation was apparently being caused by Greg, who he couldn't help but notice was male. 

But gender aside, it was almost like being with Sharon all over again. 

"And why couldn't I go to my apartment, again?" Greg asked, leaning his head on Nick's shoulder. Unlike Nick, he didn't feel particularly uncomfortable with the situation, which was odd to Nick since Greg was the one being carried on Nick's back. "I mean, I've never been to yours, but I think I could manage, you know." 

"Doctor said someone had to keep an eye on you." _Because you're drugged up with pain killers_, Nick added silently. While Greg was getting x-rays, the doctor pulled Nick to the side to discuss someone caring for Greg…at least for the next day or so – when the drugs wore off. Nick didn't mind because at least while Greg was in his apartment, he wouldn't have to worry much while at work. "Think of it this way, at least no one you know will see you like this." And Nick made sure no one saw him like that either as he left a sleeping Greg in his car while "borrowing" Greg's keys and getting some things out of Greg's apartment. 

Nick only hoped no one in his own apartment complex saw the two of them. As if it wasn't already awkward that Nick was carrying a grown man, he didn't need an audience on top of that. 

It was dark so he still had hope. 

"You know…this is putting a damper on whatever I had left that I formerly referred to as dignity." 

"Not like you had much to begin with," Nick teased, unconsciously falling back into the type of easy conversation he sometimes let himself share with Greg. 

"Still more than you, though." 

"Sure...you keep thinking that," Nick retorted, inwardly sighing in relief when they neared the elevator inside the complex – the same elevator he used to say perpetrated people's laziness. And the same one he was now grateful for. He'd carried Greg for a total of four separate times today. It would have only been two – from Greg's apartment and to the doctor – but while leaving the hospital, Nick couldn't bear to see Greg struggling with his crutches and Greg was on his back once more. 

Nick didn't have it in himself to laugh aloud at the sight of Greg fumbling with crutches. 

Though, while he didn't mind carrying Greg, the younger man was becoming heavier. 

"Don't fall asleep yet, just a few more minutes, okay?" Nick felt Greg press his mouth against his shirt, warm air penetrating the light fabric and heating Nick's skin. 

"I won't…" Greg yawned into Nick's shoulder. "I'm not going to, yet." 

"You'd be doing me a huge favour." Nick didn't know if he'd be able to continue holding Greg if he suddenly slumped against him – dead weight was a completely different matter. 

"I know I said it already, but thanks. Because you didn't really have-" 

"Well, twisted ankles aren't fun." Nick grunted, rearranging Greg's weight and trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that had been building inside his chest since he first received Greg's call. "Press eight." He shifted to the side so Greg had better access to the panel, giving the younger man something to do while Nick tried to make some sense of the current situation. 

The whole thing was surreal. 

He and Greg were in an elevator heading to Nick's apartment. Usually, the only time Nick had another male in his apartment was when he either invited Warrick or some other guys he knew to watch a game or play something on his Dreamcast. He didn't have many females over either and the ones who did come over were gone by morning. 

Nick stilled when Greg begin to hum, the younger man's chin on Nick's shoulder. The sound resonated throughout the small elevator, bouncing off metallic walls – the simple action haunting Nick and making him feel somewhat claustrophobic. 

Sharon used to do that. 

She used to hum some song on Nick's shoulder, sending small vibrations all over his skin as her breath would caress his neck. She would do it whenever she held him in her arms or placed herself on top of Nick. 

But he was sure it was just a coincidence. 

It had nothing to do with just how much he'd been comparing Greg to Sharon, lately. It had nothing to do with the things about Greg that made Nick feel comfortable and drew him to the younger man. The same things that made him want to stay away from Greg because those things reminded Nick of Sharon. 

"Hey, Nick…" 

"…yeah?" 

"The door's open." 

Nick was almost startled when he realised he had closed his eyes, opening them as he turned to the side – only to find Greg staring at him worriedly. "Oh…sorry, I-" 

Greg took his finger off one of the buttons on the panel, presumably the one to hold the door open. "It's okay…I know I've been dragging you down today. But I'll get off your back, soon." 

Nick didn't hide his scoff at Greg's attempt at humour. He saw Greg's smile from the corner of his eye as he moved past the elevators doors, taking a left while using one hand to get the keys from his pocket. He groaned when the hall lights starting flickering – a problem the owner had yet to fix – and silently cursed when the lights went out completely. 

With the exception of one. 

"Does this happen a lot?" Greg asked as his pupils dilated to adjust to the sudden darkness. There was a sort of wonderment that sounded familiar but one that Nick couldn't quite place. "Because that's pretty weird." 

Finding his keys, Nick looked up to see one of the hall lights flickering, trying to stay on. 

It was the one by his apartment door. 

Nick didn't realise his mouth was hanging open until he felt it becoming dry. He licked his lips, slightly shaking his head as he became aware that he was still carrying Greg. "No…no, usually all the lights go off…" 

"Still, you should get someone to fix that." Greg said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And it was…or at least it should have been. 

But for some reason, Nick didn't mind right now – didn't really pay attention to anything but the wavering light and the fact that he was moving toward it. And he didn't realise that he was already under the light and in front of his door until Greg took the keys from his hand, leaning over Nick to put the keys in the lock. The light was still flickering, almost as if it was putting Nick in a temporary stupor. He blinked his eyes – once, twice – trying and failing to wake himself out of whatever trance he was in. 

Because when he turned to see Greg, the younger man had already pushed the door open and was looking at the older man curiously with something that could be more than just concern. 

And he couldn't help but notice how the light was shining at Greg.

* * *

_SID: No, just no. _

_This is another thing from my LJ. My computer's not availabe - hasn't been - so just recycled stories until I write new stuff...bleh. This actually takes place in season one of my WIBG universe and it's more preslash than anything. Although, even though I wrote this later, my earlier stories may make a reference to it, which is something else, really_


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